Being Good With Money is More Than Spending Less or Earning More, it’s Saying “No” to Social Pressure
Improve your personal finances by resisting social pressure
Have you ever had a hamburger made entirely from vegetables, with a slice of eggplant instead of beef?
I did, but I hadn’t planned to cross the red line one day, I just got carried away by hungry and enthusiastic friends.
During and after the meal (the burger was surprisingly good), I couldn’t help but feel a slight regret.
I hadn’t planned for this expense and especially hadn’t planned to pay $20 for a veggie burger… And yet, I was the only one to blame!
I said yes to my friends, I chose my own burger and its sauces, I paid voluntarily… but this slight veil of regret remained: I succumbed to social pressure!
Have you ever been dragged to an excursion or dinner that you hadn’t planned? To say yes when you really didn’t want to? I bet this has happened to you. Sometimes it happens that it is social pressure that directs your hand toward your wallet…
Understanding Our Behavior: When Compliance Means Security
Managing your finances is a personal issue, or possibly a couple’s issue.
In fact, finances should be modeled on everyone’s preferences: risk propensity, affinities for certain assets, particularly discretionary spending, etc. But here we are, we live in a society!
And if your social circle is likely to have a financial situation more or less comparable to yours, it happens that the group leans toward an expense whose nature does not match you.
But then, why is it so difficult to say no?
Sociology and behavioral psychology teach us that conforming to the group is a reflex rooted in our unconscious, for various reasons: wanting to avoid conflict, wanting to be seen well by the group, avoiding exclusion, fear of loneliness, etc.
Personally, I have very little knowledge of sociology and yet, in doing my research, I had the impression that I already knew what I was reading. As in any area of life, breaking out of the mold has consequences. This is not a discovery, but evidence! So why on earth are we always deceived?
Answer Number 1: We are Programmed To Live In Autopilot Mode
These habits are so embedded in our subconscious that, once started, they work automatically without us being able to really control them.
An example: I happened to take a routine trip in autopilot mode, and only “wake up” after reaching my destination.
This phenomenon can also explain spending behavior, especially if it is based on a habit. All you need to do is to go into a place where you often come with your friends and your brain goes into autopilot, and voila, you wake up when the bill is in hand and the regrets begin.
Answer Number 2: We are Afraid of Being Excluded
In the case where we are fully aware of the expense we are making, we cannot talk about autopilot. The regrets begin as soon as the future expense is mentioned, and we feel a bit uncomfortable saying no, so we follow the movement with internal reluctance.
In this case, the problem lies in our relationship with our social circle and reflects not only a discrepancy between our financial principles and those of our group but above all a lack of “determination” to respect our spending principles.
It may be very easy for us to say no to an expense when we are alone, but once placed in the group, the fear of exclusion pushes us to join the ranks.
How to resist social pressure?
Well, now we know the cause of that social pressure. But that doesn’t solve the problem! Aiming for financial independence is clearly against the grain of the current social model, so do you tame your subconscious and take full ownership of your financial choices?
Here are two solutions you can consider:
1 — Practice Mindfulness
Autopilot mode is not necessarily a bad thing, but you have to know how to disable it when your path to financial freedom is at stake, for this, I suggest you learn about mindfulness.
Mindfulness simply means to be fully aware of the actions we take, the feelings we experience, the sensations around us, etc. 3-second demonstration: you are breathing automatically, take control. You are blinking automatically too, switch to manual. Simple huh? (sorry)
I first encountered this concept in Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, where he introduced the importance of meditation. And since then I have been much more careful with my actions.
For example, I realized that at the end of every bad day I would unconsciously fix my bad mood with chocolate balls. After this realization, I have resorted much less to marbles as a shot of refuge happiness, and my line is doing better for it.
Practicing mindfulness can be as simple as regularly asking yourself these two questions: What am I doing? What purpose?
And in the case of an expense that we try to control, we can add: Do I really need it, or is it just an excuse to fill the inner emptiness of my soul?
If you still want to benefit fully from its benefits, I definitely recommend mindfulness meditation.
2 — Overcome Your Fear Of Exclusion
It took me a while to figure it out, but saying yes to your social circle out of fear of being left out makes little sense. If saying no results in me being “excluded” from my social circle, it is simply that we take different paths in line with our values and principles.
In other words: if your friends are not ready to accept your divergence in certain principles, this means that the future of this friendship, sooner or later, will be compromised. If this is, unfortunately, the case, there is no reason to postpone a certain deadline.
Final Thoughts
Mind you, I am not saying that you have to leave all your social circles and stay cooped up at home because it is more economical! We are invited to take a frank look at our relationships and ensure that they do not prevent us from achieving our goals.
As always, the ideal budget is one that takes into account our future without cutting too much into the present.